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When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night,
he checks his closet for Sifu.
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Sifu doesn't read books. He stares them down
until he gets the information he wants.
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There is no theory of evolution. Just a list
of creatures Sifu has allowed to live.
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Sifu can hit you so hard that he can actually
alter your DNA. Decades from now your descendants will occasionally clutch
their heads and yell "What The Hell was That?"
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Outer space exists because it's afraid to be
on the same planet with Sifu.
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Sifu does not sleep. He waits.
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Sifu is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
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When Sifu does a pushup, he isn’t lifting
himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.
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Sifu is so fast, he can run around the world
and punch himself in the back of the head.
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There is no such thing as global warming.
Sifu was cold, so he turned the sun up.
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Sifu gave Mona Lisa that smile.
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The chief export of Sifu is Pain.
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Sifu walks into a bar and the bar said
"Ouch!"
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Sifu has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.
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When Sifu sends in his taxes, he sends blank
forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack.
Sifu has not had to pay taxes, ever.
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The quickest way to a man's heart is with
Sifu's fist.
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Sifu is the only man to ever defeat a brick
wall in a game of tennis.
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Police label anyone attacking Sifu as a Code
45-11.... a suicide.
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Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman
wears Sifu pajamas.
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Sifu doesn't churn butter. He chainpunches
the cows and the butter comes straight out.
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Sifu is the only human being to display the
Heisenberg uncertainty principle -- you can never know both exactly where
and how quickly he will punch you in the face.
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Sifu ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and
got one.
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Sifu doesn't stub his toes. He accidentally
destroys chairs, bedframes, and sidewalks.
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Sifu's straight punches don't really kill
people. They wipe out their entire existence from the space-time continuum.
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The original draft of The Lord of the Rings
featured Sifu instead of Frodo Baggins. It was only 5 pages long, as Sifu
kicked Sauron’s ass halfway through the first chapter.
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Sifu is currently suing MySpace for taking
the name of what he calls everything around you.
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"Brokeback Mountain" is not just a movie.
It's also what Sifu calls the pile of dead ninjas in his front yard.
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When God said, "let there be light", Sifu
said, "say 'please'."
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When Sifu works out on the Total Gym, the
Total Gym feels like it's been raped.
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Sifu has never been in a fight, ever. Do you
call one punch to the face a fight?
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If you were somehow able to land a punch on
Sifu your entire arm would shatter upon impact. But this is only theory
since no one in their right mind would try this.
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President Roosevelt once rode his horse 100
miles. Sifu carried his the same distance in half the time.
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If Sifu wants your opinion, he'll beat it
into you.
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When Arnold says the line "I'll be back" in
the first Terminator movie it is implied that is he going to ask Sifu's for
help.
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Sifu is not Politically Correct. He is just
Correct. Always.
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Sifu enjoys a good practical joke. His
favorite is where he removes your lower intestine and pretends to make a
balloon animal out of it. Then he cracks your skull open with a Volvo for
not complimenting him on his balloon animal.
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When Sifu was born, the only
person who cried was the doctor. Never slap Sifu.
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When a video of Sifu was aired in France, the
French surrendered to Sifu just to be on the safe side.
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Sifu does not know about this webpage. If he
did he would have just deleted the internet.
